| |
|
Page 1
| 2 | 3
| 4
| 5
| 6
| 7
| of 7 | |
|
| |
|
| What
to do if your ex girlfriend/boyfriend
was genuine and sincere: |
|
This
is not a section most people happen
to read. So if you are here, you have
found someone special – one who
loves you and cares for you. Now its
time to try for a make up. In this situation
it would be better you ask the question
‘WHY?’ to yourself. It may
be time for a self-discovery.
|
|
'The
greatest mistake is not MAKING A MISTAKE,
but refraining from correcting it' |
Analyze
yourself. It may be your concept, your
principle, your behaviour, anything
that ruined the relationship. Just take
a break, and think the whole route through
which your relationship has come. Discover
where all he/she attempted desperately
to make things work when you simply
sat idle. Discover the situations when
you took your ex for granted - just
like another furniture or vegetable.
If you really want your love back, you
might have to make a few corrections
to yourself too. |
|
|
| |
Realizing
where all you went wrong: |
| |
It may be your lack of adjustment: |
"Love is not putting
in 50% from one side and the exact
50% from the other. Its just putting
in 100% effort from both sides.
But keep in mind - BOTH SIDES"
I’m stressing on adjusting
more than anything because that
was the biggest mistake I made during
my first love. I was a verrrrry
stubborn guy who in fact was proud
of it. When we are stubborn we never
realize how much trouble and pain
it causes to those around us. By
the time we realize things, time
would have already flewn too much.
|
|
|
Identify
the person as a human with his/her likes &
dislikes. The simplest solution is to imagine
yourself in your ex’s shoes. And think
of your ex girlfriend/boyfriend being tooo
stubborn. How terrible you would feel? The
biggest problem is that when we are being
stubborn, we get soo blind that we even fail
to realize that we are stubborn. No relationship
on this planet is complete, perfect or even
close. The factor that still makes relationships
fruitful is adjustment. |
It may be simply your ego & power play
|
|
Power play is when one person starts
handling the situation, virtually
leaving the other powerless. It can
be either through physical domination,
mental or emotional pressures. But
when power play comes into relationships,
there starts grumbling and discontent.
Realizing your partner’s weakness,
when you start tuning the relationship
and its direction according to your
likes / dislikes then we can say that
you are using power play.
|
|
The
remedy to this too is nothing but seeing the
situation from the other person’s perspective.
You can understand how suffocated you would
feel if your partner starts tuning things
in his/her favor. A relationship is not a
war. No situation can be controlled through
power effectively and permanently. Temporary
results may be obtained if you use power.
But it won’t last. I have read somewhere
that ‘Only world nations and
children adopt power to control situations.
Wise people never do that’ |
|
|
It may be your attitude |
No
body is born with principles and concepts.
They are acquired, cultivated and developed.
Your principles may be valuable for
you but not necessarily for others.
Nazis had their racialist principles.
Saddam Hussein had his despotic principles.
Even Bin-Laden would have his own set
of terrorist concepts. How many of these
can we accept and admire? Very few.
Why? It’s just because we have
a different set of principles and concepts.
Admitting this fact is the key to the
success of a relationship. No two people
are made out of the same mould by god.
No two are identical. So why are we
being so stubborn that others should
live by our principles and concepts?
|
|
|
Adjustment
is the key. But it has a limit of
course. For example if one person believes
in spending his/her life for charity and the
other is out there to conquer the whole rich
and fame in the world, the partnership can
never reach common grounds. Think which all
areas you can adjust to reach a common ground.
Maximize your adjustment now if your partner
has already made his/her share of adjustment.
Remember one thing. Your principles at
this moment may turn out to be things that
you will laugh at when you look back sometime
in the future. Never ruin relationships
simply for blindly beholding your principles
and concepts. Put them into a re-examination.
Weigh them and conclude what is important
and what is not.
|
|
It may be your behaviour |
|
'Do
unto others what you would have
them do unto you' –
Holy Bible. Following
this commandment will make your
life virtually trouble-free. Many
people when they are in a relationship
behave like tyrants once they
get angry - so was I. Rarely do
we realize how much trouble it
causes to the person who virtually
become our punching bags. Recollect
how many times you did the same
to your ex girlfriend/ boyfriend.
If your display of anger was in
public, consider the impact as
ten-folds. Nobody can be like
jesus Christ, I admit. But controlling
your temper is of course possible.
If you keep on throwing your anger
and behave like a tyrant, the
love your lover has for you, turns
into a kind of fear gradually.
What would eventually happen?
He/She would run away from you.
The equation is as simple as that.
|
|
In addition to
anger, so many other behavior problems
can bring a relationship to the verge
of a break up. Demanding too much
love and attention is one of them.
Your lover should not be loving you
based on your demand. If it happens,
the love gradually loses its sweetness.
Let your lover love you whole heartedly
without any pressures. Keep away from
his/her space and freedom. People
having possessiveness problem usually
would have a background of lacking
love and care. If you are one of them,
remember that your love is not the
only thing that keeps your lover alive.
Before you came into your lover’s
life, he/she had relationships which
he/she needs to keep alive and warm
always. In addition to your love and
care, they might need the love from
their family and friends. You can’t
feed your puppy 24X7 with milk just
because milk is rich in calcium. Always
keep things balanced – the love
you give and the love you receive.
If you try hard
with sincerity and determination,
you can definitely eliminate a majority
of these problems and become a better
person. Give your self ample time
during the process.
If your
problem is concerning anger, you can
practice meditation or yoga. Work
outs can also help you control your
temper. Also seek your family’s
support and cooperation. Possessiveness
is something that takes time to eliminate
or reduce. First thing that truly
helps is to seek other sources of
love and attention – from family,
friends etc. Get a bit distant from
your partner (if you are not already)
and live a life yourself. Learn to
be happy even when you are alone.
Have your own circle of friends. Flirting
won’t harm either. Spend lot
of time with family. When you start
receiving love from others and learn
to be happy even when you are alone,
you wont demand too much love from
your partner. When the demand and
suffocation is gone, the love you
receive will be more natural and will
be less straining to the giver.
|
|
It may be truly because you are running
on parallel tracks |
It
is pretty difficult to live a
married life without having a
common ground between the partners.
This parallel track problem arises
when love starts from the physical
aspects rather than true mutual
understanding. To live together
happily, physical attraction is
required, ofcourse, but in addition
to that, there needs to be a mutual
admiration, respect and sound
and clear communication. If all
you love in your partner is how
he/she looks, double-check your
love. Have you mistaken love for
lust? Give it a very serious thought.
If you share no common interests,
and spending time with him/her
doesn’t mean the world to
you, the relationship doesn’t
seem to hold any future. |
|
|
In
order to find how compatible you are,
all you would need to do is recollect
how wonderful you felt when you were
with the person. If the joy you have
outweighs the quarrels you make by a
significant margin, you don’t
have to perform a dissection on the
relationship to find out if it is compatible
or not. Some people perform post-mortem
on a broken relationship with such a
vigour and fury that they finds each
and every faults in it, surpassing even
an opposition lawyer and makes the final
judgment sheet of incompatibility. Such
people believe in perfection in just
about anything. Even if they makeup
after a break up, greater chances are
they would bring any relation back into
a divorce.
If your heart
says, you two can make it work, trust
that. Let you be guided by
your heart in the matters of love. If
you strongly feel that the adjustment
needs to be from your partner’s
side, don’t hesitate to ask for
that. If you are having serious compatibility
problems even after both of you having
tried to adjust, then it may be time
to realize that a breakup is unavoidable.
If that is the case, please skip to
the section on how
to initiate a breakup >>.
Otherwise
return to the previous heading
here >>
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
| |
|
Page 1
| 2 | 3
| 4
| 5
| 6
| 7
| of 7 | |
|
| Love
Break up Recovery / Survival advices & guide |
